“Friday The 13th”: By The Numbers

images-141I admit it, I made a mistake: instead of seeing the new “Friday the 13th,” released today, in a late-night movie theatre, where the catcalls and faux-screechings of the audience might have made it bearable, I saw it in a screening room, where the audience response was deader than the corpses dispatched by the hockey-mask-sporting Jason Voorhees. Even with chattering teenage girls, however, I don’t think I would have seriously enjoyed this by-the-numbers remake of the crudely elemental slasher whose ’80s and ’90s sequels made a half-billion-dollar killing worldwide. Resurrected by “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” revampers Michael Bay and director Marcus Nispel, Jason here butchers not one but two batches of nubile young things who unwittingly share his stomping grounds at Camp Crystal Lake, aka Camp Blood. Normally, a movie of this subpar quality could be recommended only on DVD, but watching “Friday the 13th” by yourself defeats the purpose of the horror genre: being scared communally. Of course, my dissatisfaction and that of other critics won’t matter to the millions who’ll line up this weekend for this gorefest. Their attitude echoes a line of Freddy Krueger’s in one of my favorite horror pictures (can’t remember which one): “Who gives a fuck what you think!?!”

One Comment to ““Friday The 13th”: By The Numbers”

  1. The quote you used — “Who Gives a fuck what you think?!” — is MOST LIKELY from ‘A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors.’ Freddy utters it to Zsa Zsa Gabor (not kidding) in a dream sequence before he offs Jennifer.

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