“Gypsy”: Kim, Streisand, Jackman?

As if to twit us even from the grave, in the month before his death on May 5 the writer/director Arthur Laurents gave his blessing for a plan for the new film version of “Gypsy,” starring Barbra Streisand. Babs is to play the iconic character of Mama Rose. Of course, this is not quite spot-on casting, since the actress will be 70 by the time the movie shoots, and Mama Rose ends the story at around age 50. At the start, she’s the thirtysomething mother of young girls, Louise and Baby June. No director’s been announced yet, but someone like Rob (“Chicago”) Marshall loves the kind of quick cuts that could help disguise Streisand’s age. What about the rest of the casting? To maintain the non-realistic tone, I suggest Kim Kardashian for Louise (the future stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee): the movie’s producer, Joel Silver, will want her to bare her rack, just as he did with Halle Berry in “Swordfish.” Kimmy doesn’t have to sing: Hollywood’s been dubbing singing voices since sound came in. Mario Lopez could play Tulsa. The only logical choice for Herbie, Mama’s love interest, is Hugh Jackman, a guy who Streisand, and all of her female fan cohort, would clean toilets to see naked. And my spies tell me that Streisand has indeed chatted with Hugh about the possibility of playing Herbie. “Gypsy: The Cougar Edition” will be coming soon to a theater near you.

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