by MaryAnn Sleasman
It’s almost time to head off to Las Vegas for, you know, the actual competition part of America’s Got Talent, but first, more auditions, and with the exception of closing act Mary Joyner, there was very little to write home about.
The Montage of Horror
Smoochie the Pig got things started with a painfully boring routine that Sharon Osbourne overwhelmingly loved for reasons that remain entirely unclear to me. Smooch just didn’t seem to be all that excited about honking the horns. She sure loved Nick Cannon’s popcorn though.
Let’s seen, during the segment of unnamed horrors, there was a terrible dance troupe, an awkward ballerina, Nick Cannon in a tutu, and a female rapper who claimed to rap about “female empowerment” but basically just encouraged attractive women to become prostitutes. I briefly entertained the thought that maybe the unnamed MC’s song about using your body to get all the money was just too high concept for the rest of us to understand, but quickly rejected it once she tried to explain herself to Howie Mandel and failed miserably. Also, leopard print pants are so Spice World, which, last time I checked, was pretty bad at the whole female empowerment thing too.
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