New York Community Theater Gives Plum Role Of Blanche DuBois To A Rank Amateur

This just in from Peekskill, New York, by way of The Onion: ‘In a surprising casting decision that has drawn criticism from numerous members of the local community theater The Old Mill Players, sources confirmed Wednesday that the role of Blanche DuBois in the company’s upcoming production of Tennessee Williams’ “A Streetcar Named Desire” has been given to none other than Kathy f**king Hamilton (pictured). Reports indicated that, yes, you heard that correctly: The 41-year-old real estate agent and mother of three has, for some insane reason, been selected to portray what is, hands down, the 2014 season’s most challenging dramatic role. That’s right, accounts confirmed, we’re all supposed to sit back and believe that the woman whose past credits include Myrtle Mae Simmons in “Harvey,” Aunt Eller in “Oklahoma!,” and a handful of other bit parts is now poised to emerge from the wings and bear the full weight of the summer calendar’s most highly anticipated production, as if that’s not going to take some kind of goddamn miracle. I mean, Jesus, sources added.

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