Cardinal Dolan No Longer Popeular

My friend Paul Rudnick read the recent report in the New York Times suggesting that Timothy Dolan (pictured), Archbishop of New York, has been supplanted as the Pope’s favorite American cardinal. So Rudnick has humbly offered some suggestions for His Eminence, to soften his public image. My two favorites: 1) When you accidentally step outside St. Patrick’s Cathedral during the annual Gay Pride parade, instead of holding out a crucifix and chanting, “Shame! Shame!”, simply smile, wave and call out, “I love your leather harness!” or “Nice Speedo!”; and 2) If a journalist asks how you feel, about Pope Francis ignoring you in favor of other clergymen, simply say, “I love His Holiness and I respect his judgement in all matters.” Avoid using the words “drab”, “jowls” and “fat.”’

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